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chuck_norrisUpdated for 2016

What do Chuck Norris and Orlando vacation homes have in common? Everything of course.  For example, If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars than Chuck Norris has more money than you and will most likely outbid you on a property. The first lesson to learn here is that Chuck Norris gets things done and he gets them done fast. No title company, mortgage company or lazy Realtor can stand up to his roundhouse kick in the face so that being said lets get right into this and see what Chuck can teach us about closing on an Orlando vacation home in under 30 days.

Chuck Norris Does Not Get Frostbite. Chuck Norris Bites Frost

If you don’t want to be stuck spending your winter in what feels like the trenches of Antarctica than make sure you have all your financing in place before you start making offers on any Orlando vacation properties (unless you bite frost).  If you’re paying cash, make sure it is liquid and ready to be wired into the title company’s escrow account on the day of closing.  I have had situations with clients who said they were paying cash however, still had to have the money cashed out of their home.  This usually happens when a person is using either a home equity line of credit or is in the process of doing a cash out refinance on their primary home.  This is not a bad thing but if you are shooting for a 30 day or less closing it can definitely hold it up. If you’re taking a mortgage than the whole pre-approval process needs to be re-done if it’s held up too much. You could also be facing penalties from the seller or builder if the closing is held up because of you. Chuck Norris would round house kick you in the face for that.

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When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn’t get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.
Since you’re not Chuck Norris you and your home could be subject to flooding (it is after all, Florida!).  Checking to see if your home is located in a flood zone is a very simple thing your Realtor can do for you.  Generally it’s just a matter of pulling the tax records on the home. If you’re concerned about living in a flood zone have your Realtor check this information out for you BEFORE you write a contract not after.  You will have enough to do once the contract is accepted you don’t need to be worrying about a flood zone, at the very least this needs to be done during your inspection contingency period.  Most lenders will require a new survey be ordered on the property this will also tell if your home is located in a flood zone but by the time you get this it’s too late to back out without losing your deposit so don’t wait for this, be proactive with your research.  If you’re paying cash for your Orlando vacation home than you will need to have one of these ordered as it’s not standard procedure. Once the dinosaurs borrowed money from Chuck Norris… and they never gave it back.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
Interview Disney area vacation home management companies as soon as you submit the offer (or well before). Don’t waste any time on this because you may be slamming a lot of doors yourself on your way out! Searching for the perfect vacation home management company in the Kissimmee and Davenport areas can be very frustrating and many people often have to go through at least five or six before they find a company they are happy with.  I am in no way advising you to go with the first Orlando management company that you speak to, though after years of searching I finally have a handful I trust and recommend.  Ask your Realtor to provide you with a few names and start your Interviews.  A good Orlando vacation home Realtor should be able to provide you with a list of questions to ask the management companies. Chuck Norris can interview himself.

Read Also: 10 Questions You Must Ask Before You Hire Any Orlando Property Management Company

Chuck Norris’ house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.
Chuck Norris is unfortunately unavailable for home inspections however Orlando is filled with tons of great licensed home inspectors. Your Realtor should be able to provide you with at least two or three names so you can make a choice.  In order to close under 30 days you want to get this inspection done immediately after the contract is executed (signed by all parties).  What’s critical about this is that if there are any issues with the home you can address those immediately.  Sometimes you can find out that the air conditioning system isn’t cooling properly (Chuck Norris doesn’t need air to breathe. Air goes inside his lungs out of curiosity) or that a sink or toilet is leaking. You will want to have an a/c specialist and a plumber come out and look at it immediately so you can find out what these things will cost to fix.  You could find out it’s not a big deal and everything is great or you could find out you need a whole new a/c and plumbing.  These are all things you want to know upfront and as soon as possible.

Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
You on the other hand will have to actually read and what you need to be reading are what’s called the Homeowners Association (or condo association) bylaws for any Kissimmee, Davenport or Clermont vacation home.  This is the document that talks all about what you can and can’t do with your home while living in the neighborhood.  Restrictions like these are actually good things as they prevent your neighbor from painting their house hot pink or puke green however, there may be issues such a whether or not you are allowed to put a fence up in your backyard.  These are the kind of details you want to find out within the first three or four days of your contract being accepted.  Remember, we’re shooting for a 30 day closing so I would even go as far as having your Realtor dig up this information before the contract gets accepted.  Chances are, if your Realtor has sold houses in that specific community before and an electronic copy is available than he/she should be able to email that over to you (Chuck Norris plays Monopoly with real houses).

chuck-norris-split-rockChuck Norris is the only person in the world that can actually email a roundhouse kick.
If a mortgage is involved make sure the appraisal is ordered within the first five days of the contract being executed.  What does this have to do with a roundhouse kick? Nothing, but I will not be opening any of Chuck’s emails. If you’re paying cash for the property this isn’t something that is absolutely necessary and getting an appraisal is a choice you can make on your own.  If you’re taking a mortgage you no longer have a choice in the matter and it’s a mandatory thing.  Appraisers do not work on your schedule they work on theirs and unless you can get Chuck Norris can send them a roundhouse kick email chances are this task is going to take the longest to accomplish so push your mortgage specialist to get this ordered asap and make sure your Realtor stays on top of this as well.

Instantly Check The Estimated Value of Any Vacation Rental Home in the Disney Areas

Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
And if Chuck Norris was your neighbor it’s a possibility that your house could catch on fire too. You want to make sure you have all your angles covered and securing your homeowner’s insurance is also something you want out of the way.  Have your Realtor provide you with some names for you to contact, he/she might even have someone in house that can give you a good price.  Whatever the case just get it done.  Don’t forget to get a short term rental liability policy either or property management companies will not be renting your house out.  This is something than can be done after closing but most Kissimmee, Clermont and Davenport homeowners insurance companies will offer this policy as well since short term rental homes are a huge part of our market.

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.Chuck Norris Facts
That’s amazing. . .What’s not amazing is if you get to the closing table and you find that you’re short on funds.  That’s a really big inconvenience to you and the seller so I highly suggest that you request a preliminary HUD-1 from the title company at least 10 days before closing to ensure everything adds up and you are prepared to close. At least this way you will have plenty of time to penny pinch and analyze the fees on your closing statement.  You may even be able to get some unnecessary “junk” fees removed.  The closing table or the day before is not the time to be doing this so keep that in perspective and urge your Realtor to get you a copy as soon as the title company has it available.

When the Boogey man goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
I highly suggest you do the same.  The last thing you want to do is wait until an hour before closing to do your final walk-thru inspection and have Chuck Norris jump out of the closet. I recommend doing this no sooner than 24 hours in advance if you can, this way if anything is missing or out of place you have time to sort it out.  If you wait until it’s too close to closing you risk holding up the closing and if it’s on a Friday you now have to wait until Monday if it doesn’t close.  Not good for anyone involved, especially Chuck Norris.

Random Chuck Fact: Google cannot even find Chuck Norris. True Story, see for yourself. google chuck norris

Awesome Chuck Facts Provided By: Chuck Norris Facts
Awesome Pics: One Reason Why


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